I'll Help You Find A Way
by Nova-Author
Summary: They always said that I would get better. They always told me that I needed to believe in myself, and believe in the help of others. They always told me how great I was, and how great I was going to be. But they never understood the pain that I went through.. Because of them I am afraid. I am in pain because of them. ;; SasukeXSakura(before),SasukeXIno;; Prologue Up.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue:: Is Fantasy, Or Reality Again?**

_ Dear Rookie Nine…_

I scribbled out the words quickly with the dark, dusky pen that shook between two uneasy fingers, the alabaster canvas that was my skin was almost ghostly in comparison of the raven ink. Falling back onto my bed, sinking into the plush covers, the dusky midnight blue spreading devouring my body hungrily, I began to think, thoughts swirling and churning in my numb mind. The covers that I planned to never feel again after this night seemed to try to stop my from going through with my plans.

Glancing down at my arms, I could see my insipid skin seemingly glow in the almost complete, silent darkness. The only light source in the room was the candle that flickered dryly in the empty air. Sloppy incisions, to say that my arms were unscathed would be a complete and utter lie. But yet again, to say that they were inflicted by another being was also a lie at most. I was at battle with no one except for myself, myself alone. The crimson regret that seeped from the blemishes reminded me that I was still alive, that I was still bleeding, that I still had a pulse. That my heart still worked, and I was still in this wretched world.

Though I didn't care for the scars what-so-ever. I was too lost as it is, why should I care at this point? No one would care, they were the ones who caused my downfall anyways. They would forget me anyways.

Eyes traveling towards the candle that dimly lit the seemingly airless room, I plucked the long, pastel feather that hardly kept its place on the oaken nightstand that stood sturdily near my bed. Just beyond the cinnamon scented candle was the picture of my mother, father, brother, and I. We looked so happy…and now everything was gone. My brother had slain them. Their bloods still painted the floors of this house that still stood. The scarlet speckles splayed on the sides of the walls, just a grim reminder that they weren't there to protect me anymore. A grim reminder that it was this village that ordered the ANBU Black Ops to kill them, the fact that they had elite assassins come to kill the parents of a young teen, and a little boy. A grim reminder that this village ordered my own brother to kill our family. A grim reminder that my sensei had known my brother, and maybe could have stopped him. A grim reminder that I couldn't save them from him, or anyone else. A grim reminder that nothing was ever going to get better.

_Not right now, Sasuke. _

Itachi was right. Not now, not ever. Not now for anything, because everything has stopped, and everything will stay that way. Never will it be fixed because no one can fix it. They all hurt me anyways. Why can't they get it through their thick skulls that I can't bring myself to love them or anyone? It's just an empty feeling that would hurt me more.

_You're crazy Sasuke! Why can't you see it? She's only telling you to drop out because she CARES about you!_

Naruto was correct too. I knew Sakura cared about me, in fact, I care about her. I tried to kill her though, and that was out of my own guilt. I didn't know how to handle the grief, and I thought that she would just make it worse. I thought that if I let her get any closer to me, than I'd just crumble back down and fall. I thought that if I got rid of her, then maybe things could go back to the numb disposition that it was before.

_I protect you because I care about you. _

I'm sure that Kakashi-sensei does are about me. I'm almost positive that he cares about everyone in Team 7, that makes him a good sensei, right? He had no means to hurt us, or me, even when I left the village. When he hurt me, it was because I went insane, it was because I was a threat to everyone else, it was because I had lost control, and would have killed or hurt anyone or everyone to get power or to get what I wanted.

_You have everything that I've been looking for, you seek power, and you have a lust for it. _

Not only did I seek power, but I also sought revenge. And now I know that revenge gets you nowhere in life, it doesn't do anything, and it surely doesn't make you feel any better. And people who only desire power and revenge will never see a day where they'll govern. Orochimaru was right about me all along, except I have a heart, even if it may bellowing empty beats.

No one can understand this, not when a nightmare becomes reality, and fantasy morphs with reality.


	2. I Don't Know What To Say

** CHAPTER ONE**

** I Don't Know What to Say**

It had been three days into my visits to the psychologist. Sakura had been forcing me to go to the Konoha psychologist, she stated it was because my mental health was beginning to scare her. It was also because she had seen a few of my wounds. She had the brain to identify the fact that they were self inflicted. She knew that I wasn't capable of taking care of myself.

The dark, chestnut eyes of the man in front of me were so familiar that it hurt. I had always hated the male as a kid, and I never really saw him as anything special, but I guess that was another thing that I was wrong about. The man before me was capable of leading the Fourth Diversion in a war, and was able to plan out a whole situation of how to basically incapacitate an immortal Jashinist. Shikamaru Nara was his name, and he was known as the "Lazy Genius" of Konoha.

"How have your emotions improved in the past two days?" His voice was a unique one to describe. There was always and seemingly scratchy or deep hiss in the back of his mouth that made his voice sound irritated almost all the time. An irritated voice for an irritated man I suppose.

"They feel the same. These stupid sessions aren't helping, and neither are you." There was a bit of a lie coming from those words. I actually did enjoy talking to him about my problems. But I would never tell him that, he'd probably find a way to use that against me in the future. He'd probably hurt me like everyone else had.

"You're a horrible liar." It wasn't a question, and he wasn't even trying to provoke me, it was a statement, and he was right, as always.

"Just because I'm supposed to talk to you, it doesn't mean I'm going to tell you what's inside of my head." And that was what I was going to stick by. I didn't really want to talk about my problems, because they weren't his to worry about. Heck, why is this guy even a psychologist? Doesn't he have pain in his life? The pain of losing his father, the pain of losing his sensei, and the pain of knowing that he almost died in the last war, how could he not be depressed? And yet he still managed to remain calm and collected, even though he insisted that everything was a "drag".

"How are your feelings for Haruno Sakura?" he asked, a bored undertone combining with the hiss that was also lingering there. His eyes always seemed to move around the room, avoiding my gaze, and even if he looked in my direction, his eyes would never fully meet mine, no matter what I say, even if I'm crying, he seemingly refuses to comfort me. But yet again, no one was there to comfort him in his time of needs.

"She's fine, I like her, which is obviously why I'm dating her." I never talked about my feelings for Sakura unless I was asked about them. I didn't know what to feel about her anymore. Ever since the first time we kissed, it just didn't feel right. The way that her lips were, the words that she spoke to reassure me that everything was all right…it just made a sickening knot it my stomach. Was this out of love because she loved me? Or was it that she pitied me so much that she thinks that she's in love with me?

Shikamaru shot me one of those glances again. I have learned over the past few days that when Shikamaru shoots me a glance, I know that he knows that I'm not stating the full truth. He didn't seem to pester me about it, though he often asked me the same questions, to see if my answers changed.

"How is your life in general at this moment?" His voice was dull, as if he already knew what I was going to say. And knowing him, he probably already did.

"Oh yes, because being constantly stared at when you walk down the street, and hearing whispers about yourself, and being watched by the ANBU Black Ops every single time you go to the restroom, or go in your house by yourself, or need to talk to the Hokage, who is your own team-mate, y'know, the good life that we all love to live." With a sigh, the lazy Nara rolled his eyes at me, and wrote down a few more things in the notebook. If I said I knew him well enough, I'd say that he was drawing clouds in his notebook instead of actually writing down what I'm saying and what he is receiving from our talks. But yet again, he probably has some sort of "Save" cabinet in his mind, where he just stores every piece of information that is given to him.

"What are your opinions on each person in Rookie Nine, especially your former team mates?" asked Shikamaru, seemingly expecting a whole stream of negative comments about our graduating league.

"Yeah, because I totally remember and know what everyone is like, especially since I haven't been in Konoha for who knows how long, but yeah, sure, I'll give you answers." I wasn't entirely sure that I could actually answer his question, because I'm not sure if I could remember everyone. It had been such a long time.

"Okay, so my opinions on Rookie Nine…jeez, okay, Naruto is basically like a twin brother, but isn't exactly your "twin", but is actually your polar opposite, he's goofy, somewhat funny, and puts up a good fight. Kiba is basically the same as Naruto, except for the fact that I think that he loves his dog a _little bit too much_, and he's rather cocky." I already knew what was going on in the Nara's head. He was probably thinking about how arrogant he thought that was.

"Neji was a narcissist, and a hypocrite, and telling others what they can and cannot do, and really wasn't that much of a go-getter. Tenten had a little bit of an over-fascination of sharp objects. Lee was really peppy and annoying, though I have to admit, that he is one of the strongest ninjas I've ever seen in action. Sakura, of course, was kind of persistent of a relationship, but she always cared and loved me. Hinata was shy, though she did have her moments of glory where she really could kick someone's ass into next Tuesday. Choji was annoying, and really needed to get into a fighting mode, and honestly, I never think that he'll be one of the best ninjas, and I think others will forget about him once he's gone. And Ino…" There was always something that tingled in my stomach when I mentioned Ino. _She's pretty, elegant Ino, she's smart, and she always stays with her teammates no matter what, and guards them with her life. _

"Ino is a very nice person, she's very smart, and you're lucky to have her on your team." I finally muttered, my voice shy of mute.

"You forgot your opinion on Shino." The Nara stated this, not seeming really surprised that I forgot someone.

"Wait, who's Shino?" It was a legit question. I really had no clue who Shino was.

"Aburame Shino. He's the guy that always has the insects crawling throughout his whole body, and always asks, "You know why? Because…"." Shikamaru reminded me, not really seeming to remember the guy either, because he paused after he stated what the bug-guy usually said.

"Hn. Whatever, if I don't even remember him, than I don't have an opinion on him." It was true. I couldn't have an opinion on someone that I couldn't even bother to remember. With a loud sight, I slumped against he chair and stared endlessly at the ceiling, as if it were the most fascinating thing that my eyes had ever seen. Anything could be fascinating to someone as bored as me.

"And how do you feel on the subject of your own life? Including the death of your whole family, Akatsuki life, and your team life?" It was in the tone of an impatient sigh. I already knew that the poor guy was bored, probably more stressed out than I was.

This question took a lot of thought. How was I supposed to answer something like this? I don't know what to do or say about that, it's an impossible thing to think about, especially since you can't even tell your own emotions anymore.

"I don't know what to say."


End file.
